There’s always a bit of fear that goes into approaching women.   From the moment you see who you want, your reptilian part of your brain starts to fire off all kinds of reasons why you should preserve your ego from getting bruised.

“She’s out of my league.”

“She’s talking to someone.”

“She must be with that guy.”

“She saw me look at her but she didn’t smile back.”

“She’s too _______.”

The typical advice is not to think so much and just go talk to her.  Everyone has heard of the “three second” rule by now.  And yet, if that solves the problem, why does it continue to affect so many guys?

Well, let’s face it, a three second window of opportunity is pretty small and rather impractical. I’ve seen this scenario play out thousands of times.   I’ve been in those ruts myself, like most experienced guys have also been.  The problem, the fear of rejection or whatever, just doesn’t go away.   And we all know, the longer you wait, the harder it is, as if your feet grow roots into the floor.  It’s just easier to talk to your friends and complain about the lack of available women that it is to grab your balls and talk to her.

But there’s one thing you have to fear, more the fear itself: it’s boredom.

Boredom is nearly useless.  The only thing boredom does is to remind you that you are letting life slip by you.  Boredom is what you regret spending time on, every time. Worse yet, the more boredom you have in your life, the more boring you are as a person.  And nothing can kill an opportunity with someone then by actually being downright… boring.

Frankly, boredom will keep your fat ass in doors.   It’ll keep you from going to the gym.  It’ll keep you from trying new events.  It’ll keep you from traveling around the world.  Or staying in that shit job because it pays the bills.  No one talks about the boring times they’ve spent, why?  Because it’s damn boring to hear it.   Frankly, boredom will drain your life away.  You should fear that above all else.

So I propose the next time you are out, and you start rooting into the floor with fear that the “timing” isn’t right to talk to a group of girls, decide right there that of all the things you could be, you are not going to boring.  You will not be lame!

Then just go and blow the damn set up, simply to see what happens.  It’ll be far more entertaining that just standing around doing nothing.   I’ll take risk of a momentarily bruised ego for getting shot down, than boredom any day.  It’s frankly a lot safer.

You can’t touch it, you can’t see it, you can’t smell it, but you can definitely feel it when “it’s on”.  It’s not the notes themselves, but the actually the spaces between the notes of a song that can make or break a performance at the Kennedy Center.  That’s tension.  That’s what’s already naturally there between men and women.

A lot of guys I know, in their attempts to be a more dominant, more alpha-male, more cocky funny, or more whatever, fail to recognize that most of the time, less IS more.  You don’t have to talk as much as you think you do.  You don’t have to be domineering as much as you think you do, as long as you can become a master of tension.

Most of the time, all you really need is a look.  It could be a look you shoot across the room to her when she walks into the place, letting her know you noticed her.   It could be pause in the moment when you give her a look of surprise that she’s impressed you.  And it can be a very effective way to let her know of your disapproval when she’s overstepped a boundary.

Why does it work?

It’s a masculine way of guiding her through your world.  It says a lot about who you are without using words.  It says that you are in control of yourself and your surroundings and she is safe to be with you.

Waving at her when she comes into the room and yelling her name?  Yeah, Mr. Smooth.  Go for it.
How about telling her she’s impressed you with something she already knows she’s good at?  Meh.  Broken record.
Getting upset and riled up at her because she’s done something you didn’t like.   Fail.

So stop talking so much guys, and bring in a little more intrigue into your lives with your women.  They’ll love it.

We’re now offering Personal Consultations, a Wingman Service, and a split 2 week version of our ground breaking 4 week course.

To see all of our Personalized Services, check out our Services page.

What are we going to talk about this time?

We are going to cover the basics of social proofing.

• What is the heck is social proofing?
• Why is it important to your dating life?
• And most importantly, how do you go about actually… social proofing?

Still lost? Don’t worry, R. Deline’s got you covered on this. Read on..

Just stop by and learn the tips and secrets about getting past the bouncers, getting free drinks from the bartenders, and turning a new bar, club or restaurant into your personal party. There’s a method to the madness, it’s a lot of fun, and tremendously rewarding for you and your social life.

If you hate waiting in lines.. and you always wonder how some guys always seem to know how to cut ahead, this one is for you. It’s easier than you think.

Stop by and of course, bring a friend or two!

D

Take a look at the Jay Z video when he closed down the MTV video awards this year.  Note his swagger.  He walks around like he owns the place.  This is his night; he owns it already.  Then, Bam!  He comes out and delivers one of the best performances that MTV has seen.

You need to be able to walk into anyplace and have this swagger. There’s a lot that goes into this and a lot has to do with internal beliefs.  But I promise you, you can get there.

Take the time this week to notice your swagger.  Notice the swagger of the people around you.  What can you change to make to better?   How is your voice projection?   Can they hear you without have to ask you to repeat yourself?  Are they getting the message you’re delivering?

When the President of the United States walks through a room, do people move out of their way for him or does he move out of his way for them?

Are you a doormat or a President?

What makes you a badass?  What makes you cool?  Go write down 5 things that make you awesome.  This is what makes YOU awesome, not me, YOU!  Own it.  Be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished.  Go out and do more!  Be better!

When you start taking responsibility of who you are, what you do, and what you want to become, you become much more attractive.

Go out and answer these questions and start figuring out how you’re gong to show the world who you are.  Have the swagger to show it.

Brother James

For every few guys that want to improve their abilities to relate and connect with women, there’s going to that one dude with a misogynistic bent trying to avenge some past freak relationship that burned a hole in his soul. Well, guess what, I got news for that guy… there’s no way that guy can master this stuff if he uses these skills nefariously.

Sure some these guys can polish up their game, and pull seemingly amazing shit. They may eventually become revered members of their lairs or even instructors on their right. But frankly, SNLs, Sex on D2s, and the proverbial ever elusive “threesome”, morality aside, are simply -skills- that can be learned by ANYONE. (Yes, yes, you too can learn this new guys!)

So what is it? What delineates the best from fakers/cheaters?

To me, that’s easy, it’s in the answer to this question:
Do you lie to women that you are involved with to get what you want?

If the answer is yes, sorry buddy, your no where nearly as good as you think you are, and your relationship is not going to last. In fact, I wish I could short your relationship on NASDAQ, because I would make millions since sadly it’s the more common answer in our society (I read somewhere that 70% of married women and 50% of married men were not aware of their spouses’ affairs… that’s a lot of fuckin’ lying guys!).

In fact, these guys have two problems working against them:

1) It’s easier to create a lie than to maintain it.

If you want a tip on how to successfully bullshit, try to keep the lie to as close to the truth as you can. The further the lie is from the truth, the harder it is to keep all the details in your thick head.

2) Women naturally have sense of intuition that will eventually, bust your ass.

These guys may be able to fool to some of them, some of the time, but they can’t lie to them all, all the time. Most women, sooner or later, will intuitively sense the danger emanating from insecure and insincere guys. It’s a self-preservation mechanism that has evolved since the dawn of mankind from being the physically weaker sex.

The truth of the matter is guys that brag about lying women are just sad, weak guys. They’re guys that are getting off on short lived high of pulling a fast one over someone else and it’s an easy cheap trick. Particularly pathetic in my book are guys that express exclusive LTRs with women while fully intending to cheat on their significant others from the get go. WEAK!

The guys that are masters at pickup, are guys that are very honest about what they want out of their relationships. They are the mLTR guys that the women they are involved with -know- the other women that their men see, and regardless, accept it as part of who they are. That’s a guy that knows how to game!  Who are you going to be?

He went from a guy who had great value at this event to losing all of his value and looking like an ass.   Any women that were interested, were now quickly jumping in cabs and calling it a night.  Don’t be that guy!

It’s fully acceptable to go out and have a few drinks with your friends.   This is normal.  However, keep it in check!  This is Washington DC after all, happy hour capitol of the world.  Just don’t go out to get wasted.  You’re going to get a reputation and it’s not a good one.

Have a couple drinks, space the drinks out, drink water in between some of your drinks, and of course be sure to eat food.   You will look much better in the end.  This goes double if your on a date.

A lot of people ask me how to get over approach anxiety and how to open groups or a single woman.  The answer is simple:  open them, fail, get over it.  Wash, rinse, repeat…

You are not going to get any better when you read some pickup line or some newfangled question.  The only way you’re going to get better is to practice.  All of the great sports stars, chess players, and scientists had to fail over and over again before they got the results they wanted; you’re going to have to do the same.

So, go open.  Read the common body language mistakes post that we posted earlier.  Most of what we, as humans, communicate is non-verbal.  So, if you approach with the best line ever and you’re acting like Urkel, you are going to fail.  Work on your non-verbal communication.

Next, see how far you can push the interaction.  Push the conversation to a direction on where you want it go. Accept that you’re going to fail but don’t worry about it. If the interaction fails, let it go.  Who cares?  It’s not the end of the world.  You should have gained some insight on you and the interaction and think…  What went wrong?  Could she hear you?  Was you body language closed off?  Correct it and open again eliminating that mistake.

Work on your approaches.  The more you do it the better you will get. This is all just a process of learning.   Also, over time you’ll realize that it’s not what you say, but how you say it.  OPEN!

Wash, Rinse, Repeat….