Body Language is Everything! 5 Common Mistakes to Fix

02.06.2009 3

Hope you paid attention to your 5th grade science teacher, but in case you were day dreaming… light is faster than sound.  Got it?  So what’s the first thing women sense about you before you even get the words out of your mouth?  Your body language.

When I hear guys complain about “bitchy” women at bars or clubs, chances are very good that they are having trouble with what they’re communicating through their body language. Let’s cover the basics; top five common issues of body language and how to correct them.

  1. Not smiling

    Captain obvious, right?   Well this is one a huge one.  It’s so important that if you’re having trouble doing this one, forget the rest of the list.  A smile affects not just the person looking at you (putting them at ease), it affects your autonomic nervous system… stick a smile on your face long enough and you’ll actually start to feel better.You’re having a rough day at work?  Before you walk into that next happy hour, put on a mischievous grin on the walk over.  That’s a good start to getting yourself into the right mood for a good time.

  2. Hands in your pockets or folded across your chest

    This one SHOULD be obvious, but this is usually one I have to brow beat into our students into not doing.  Arms crossed around your chest gives off a closed “leave me be” vibe.  Good luck opening girls that way, you might as well just tell them you’re an uncomfortable person to be around with.   Same goes with hands in your pockets, it hides your hands, it says “I kinda suck because I don’t know what to do with these things.”   It’s reserved, smells of insecurity, and low confidence.  Even if you consider yourself a confident guy, this little bad habit makes whatever you say come off as incongruent and women hate the smell of incongruence.

    Take a look around the next time you’re in a bar.  The guys that are having the most fun with women… rarely cross their arms or put their hands in their pockets.  Do that.

  3. Feet too close together

    This one is particularly bad in a crowded, pretentious clubs or bars.  This makes you look like a teetering weakling.  Instead, take up some space by keeping your feet a shoulder with apart in a relaxed manner.   You’ll be more solidly balanced, you won’t look like such a pushover.A guy that doesn’t take up enough comfortable space around him signals “I don’t think I belong here, so I don’t want to step into someone else’s space.”  Bullshit!  TAKE UP SPACE damn it!  You have every right to be there.A secondary harm in this one is that other guys unconsciously perceive this as weakness.  They’ll bump right into you as they cross the bar, not giving a shit about you or your attempts to keep from bumping into them.  The fact is the strong prey on the weak, even in fun social settings.  These guys don’t even know they’re doing it, they’re just not sensing you as being a potential challenge to them.  If you’re “Mr. Nice Guy” getting bulldozed over unaware assholes and that’s your #1 excuse keeping you from going into crowded bars or clubs, try paying attention to how you stand.

  4. Leaning in sucks

    This is connected to how you stand.  Leaning in causes you to look overly eager.  Yes, I know, it’s fucking loud in here… so?   That’s not your problem, ask whoever you’re talking to speak up, or if its a girl, ask HER to lean in closer to you so you can hear her.  It’s also a compliance test, if she leans in, and repeats herself, that’s an indicator that she’s interested.

  5. Hand gestures are frantic

    This one particularly bugs me.  Some of you fast talkers, like to use frantic hand gestures.  Stop.  Slow down.  If you have to make a point with your hands, keep it a minimum.  They’ll carry more weight, more importance, more power.. if you don’t over use them.   A good idea is to keep your arms by your sides, and keep the gestures just below 90 degrees at the elbow.  Roughly just about your waistline, no further up.If you’re hand gestures are in front of your chest or face or above your head, it looks frantic and nervous.  Even if you’re a calm, cool, collected guy, your hand gestures could be blowing you out of sets before you even get there by the way you use them when you talk to your friends.  So slow them down.

As with anything in pickup, there are always exceptions to the rules, but generally speaking if you can nail these 5 down so you don’t even think about them, you’ll present yourself as far more solid, masculine, interesting guy, and you’ll be surprised by how suddenly those “bitchy” club girls aren’t so bitch anymore.

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